When
my
wife
and
I
were
told
that
our
sixteen
year
old
son
Jonathan
had
terminal
cancer,
it
felt
like
I
was
flayed.
From
that
moment
till
he
died
and
for
months
thereafter
everything
felt
like
salt
on
my
burning
flesh.
Of
the
many
friends
I
had
made
two
or
three
called;
most
preferred
to
‘leave
us
alone’.
I
was
told:
‘he
is
in
a
better
place’;
‘time
heals
everything’;
‘you
have
to
move
on’;
‘get
over
it’;
‘the
lord
gives
and
the
lord
takes’;
‘you
have
to
be
back
at
work
in
ten
days
that’s
the
law,
I
don’t
care’;
‘remove
all
photographs
of
your
son’;
it
is
long
enough,
stop
this
whining’;
‘you
must
get
over
this’;
‘don’t
look
at
pictures
of
your
son;’
‘forget
about
him’;
‘he
was
sick
for
so
long
it
is
better
this
way’
etc.
A
friend
who
claims
he
‘hears
God’s
voice’
while
praying
and
‘lives
according
to
the
Bible’
turned
vicious
and
accused
me
of
stealing,
conniving and corruption.
Having
experienced
my
child
die,
I
know
how
extremely
painful,
heart
breaking,
lonely
and
desperately
frightening
this
journey
is.
No words can take away the pain; it cannot be overcome; and telling me my child is in a better place is no consolation at all.
Grief
journey
:
This
journey
I
am
on
is
not
of
my
choosing.
I
did
not
plan
or
prepare
for
it.
Being
now
on
this
journey,
I
am
learning
and
have
begun
to
compare
it
to
a
forest
of
which
I
know
not
the
terrain.
I
know
not
how
thick
the
forest
is,
if
there
are
wild
animals,
quick-sand
or
wolves
pretending
to
be
sheep
or
even
how
long
it
will
take
me
to
get
out
of
it.
I
get
information
on
what
to
expect
from
many,
but
most
are
like
traffic
announcers
who
are
not
in
the
storm
or
in
this
forest
I
am
in.
Can
they
map
out
my
path,
tell
me
its
nature,
where
it
leads
or
if
I
will
encounter
wild
animals,
quick-sand
and
wolves?
One
that
has travelled this forest or lives in it can tell me what it is like.
This
is
my
journey,
I
have
to
travel
my
journey
.
Contrary
to
what
some
tell
me
that
I
must
forget
my
son,
get
over
him,
resolve,
surpass
and
forget
the
grief
or
that
my
faith
is
weak/non-existent
and
that
this
is
God’s
consequential
punishment,
my
experience
is
that
grief
is
not
an
obstacle
to
get
over,
a
mountain
to
climb
or
the
wrath
of
God.
Rather
it
is
the
consequence
of
having
been
ripped
apart
from
one
that
I
loved
deeply.
The
grief
and
pain
is
directly
proportional
to
the
depth
of
love
between
me
and
my
son.
Like
love,
this
grief
and
pain
are
parts
of
me,
integrated
with
my
Spirit,
and
an
experience
that
Spirit
travels
with.
I
am
learning
to
live
with
grief,
as
I
learned
to
live
with
my
fractured
left
leg
that
after
40
years
still
brings
memories
of
my
childhood bicycle accident.
If
I
fear
the
sun
and
run
way
from
it,
a
shadow
will
loom
ahead
of
me
and
the
further
I
run
the
bigger
it
will
get.
When
I
face
the
sun,
the
shadow
is
behind
me.
Similarly
I
must
face
my
grief
and
not
run
away.
That
is
the
only
way.
Grief
is
not
a
problem
to
be
solved,
a
mountain
to
be
climbed
or
a
obstacle
to
be
overcome.
I
broke
my
leg
40
years
ago
and
still
limp
as
a
result,
but
I
walk,
play,
dance
and
do
other
things.
I
have
experienced
the
death
of
my
son
and
the
resultant
pain
and
grief
is
something
I
walk
my
life
journey
with.
Grief
is
neither
made
up
nor
an
act
as
some
say
it
is.
It
is
very
real,
it
is
felt
by
the
senses
and
more
so
by
Spirit.
One
cannot
turn
away
from
it
or
hide
it
under
the
bed.
One
has
to
face
it.
This
is
why
I
am
studying
pain
and
grief
through
my
personal
experience
and
by
associating
with
others
having
similar experiences.
If
you
are
in
a
similar
situation,
I
offer
you
my
friendship.
I
am
neither
a
counsellor
nor
a
coach,
I
am
just
someone
who
is
finding
my
way
through
this
forest,
I
do
not
know
what
to
expect,
when
and
where.
But
I
hope
that
we
can
maneuver
this
journey
together,
borrow
each
other’s
strength
and
when
wild
animals
or
wolves
attack
we
will
find
a
way
to
endure
and
continue
on
our
journey.
Sometimes we will cry, and sometimes our pain will be as wondrous as our joy! -
Vince Leitao
Don’t run away from grief, o’Soul…look for the remedy inside the pain - Jalalad-Din Rumi
© Copyright 2018 Vince Leitao. All rights reserved
Bereavement is described as: To be deprived of a loved one as a result of a profound experience or death